Great Selfishness

Posted by: Ms Ayain Ms Aya's Papers
4
Jan

Last night I was having troubles falling asleep. Partly because I was too excited that my PSP was working again. And I was highly stimulated by a recent book I bought.
So with the current events in life, I was somehow taken down memory lane of a time in my primary school days.

There was one day, the school held a sports rally day, a day to practice the Sports Day movement and my class teacher selected a few of us to stay back in class to tidy up the room. It was a treat to be tidying the classroom as we did not really fancy going down to the sunny and muddy field. I was among the selected students to clean the room.

While cleaning, 2 girls broke into a fight and quarreled about who should be doing what and of course, both wanting to assume leadership. Soon the group were divided and carried on arguing with each other and calling names along the way. I was sweeping the floor (if I remembered correctly) and was deeply annoyed because there was so much left to do and nobody was doing anything. Those who were not involved just stood there in amusement to watch the fight.

Later, I got in between the girls and tried to sort things out. I couldn’t say much because they were not paying attention to me but by the time I could speak, our teacher was now in the classroom looking extremely puzzled and of course, fuming.

It seems that one of the students went down to report the fight to our teacher. When she questioned who started the fight and that they should go downstairs as punishment, the girls kept quiet and were frightened to answer. However the initiators mustered the courage to point their fingers at me.

I was a bit slow to defend myself but it didn’t matter because my teacher took their words and the others nodded silently. Thus I was sent down with shame.

Of course when I got to the field, the other students asked about the fight. Everybody just loves to gossip regardless of age. I didn’t say much. Didn’t want to. Too mad and it felt too unfair.

I didn’t mind going to the field and sit on the puddles of mud. But I did not like the shame I was given for something I did not commit. The worst was when I met my classmates who were involved, they did not say a word about it. No apology, no acknowledgment– nothing. It felt like I was in a twilight zone and almost believed I was day dreaming.

This happened in my primary school days. But similar cases happened throughout my teen years and adulthood. Each time this happens, I still take the fall however I get smarter and colder, above all — less trusting.

I’m pretty sure I’ve become a cold and less co-operative to many and this must have turned their hatred on by folds. It makes me wonder if they hate me because I rejected them or they could not use me as their scape goat. I don’t intend to imply that I’m victimized. I take my fault as well as I make sure revenge is exacted. That’s all.

In any case, my life seems to invite such impressions and events. If I had not learned anything by now, I must truly be an incurable idiot. :D

Losing Again

Posted by: Ms Ayain Ms Aya's Papers
17
Dec

Each day passes by and I’m running out of time. I always asked myself if I have collected enough hearts and stars to get to the next chapter in life.

I wonder, will I lose again to another who will be granted a second chance?

It’s as though you can be the greatest and most reliable yet you still lose out simply because you’re not favoured.

Well I don’t intend to apple polish and slyly please anybody with compliments and sweet talk in exchange for respect and a place in their hearts. Such act is so dishonourable to the point of disgusts and vulgarity.

Then again, these are the people whom I tend to lose out because somehow people just prefer these sort of people. I know I’m not cute and pleasing. In contrast, I’m so stoic, sarcastic and sceptical. Yet I try to give others a practical and useful help however, I guess such currency does not exist any more. I do buy things and share my food with people but not for such intend. It’s just — something I could do?

“Wow, you’re pretty today. Nice bag. Cool hair.” I’m so foreign to these simple words which enchants people easily and deeply. Could it be that observation and taking notice is what people are flattered by?

Although I do talk to people more than before (you remember how much of a hermit and recluse I was?), I don’t think I’m there yet in the sense of really bonding with anyone. Sometimes I think that I’m being taken for granted, other times I’m just being tested. And truthfully I haven’t found a person whom I can have a proper conversation with. Partly my fault because I still cannot trust a single soul so I rather listen and dig up their stories. I’m still shaking from the last time I thought I had a companion.

I cannot remember if I read a story or I’ve seen it happen to people in reality, but regardless, it’s beautiful to see or even think about it. Most people are hoping that it happens to them too but I exclude myself from such hope so, to know and think about it as a fiction is good and accepting enough for me.

Sigh… It’s pointless to be brooding here. It’s never good to be languid about uncertainties therefore, I shall go continue my Pokemon Omega Ruby. :D

(Laughs)

Toodles!

 

Chopstick Story

Posted by: Ms Ayain Ms Aya's Papers
12
Dec

Hi~hi, homosapiens!
How is life treating you? It’s coming to end of 2014 and I’m guessing everyone is amazed at how fast time is moving.

i was just recalling on when and how I learned to use the chopsticks. I could only use them when I was 12 years old. Before that, I was laughed and ridiculed by other people because it was bad enough that I could not speak Chinese and to add on, I could not use the chopsticks as well. Of course these people thought I was a western wannabe. Well, I just didn’t know how and had no absolute reasons to use them. My house did not have any chopsticks to begin with.

Anyway, one day… After a tiring day of sports and activities, I was dead hungry. One boy asked if he could help me get something to eat so I passed him some money and said, “I want mee soup.”

The helpful boy skidded off and then returned with a bowl of noodles. To my horror, he took a pair of chopsticks for me and a greater horror followed — he bought curry mee soup.

I could not eat chillies or anything spicy! D:
That was one of my most detested food that usually leaves me in embarrassment and awkwardness! D:

There were a few of us so I didn’t want to make a fuss (and suffer their ever so silly teases) and was too hungry to waste a bowl of noodles so I forced myself to somehow ‘skillfully’ eat the noodles with double nightmare.

After that, I took it upon myself to practice at home and now am able to eat using chopsticks as well as ‘sort of’ eating spicy food.

….

The End. ( ;´Д`)/

Hello, hello, hello~~

Just a super quick post because I’m too excited to do something else!

For those who are fans of Quinrose’s Heart no Kuni no Alice series, you can play it on your iphone or ipad too!

The best thing about this is — There is English subtitles!

No shit, for real! The voices remains in Japanese however the text are in English so for those who are not too literate with Japanese, this is for you~ <3

The English is slightly broken though; grammar and spelling mistakes however fathomable.

However, you need to pay (of course, it’s Apple dakara) to get the full game!

The game play is much simpler than on PSP though. You don’t have to keep visiting the other territories and count the turns as everything is led to the main events. You can still unlock Friend events by selecting the answers accordingly. Also you can switch on the Favourable Anime, which is each time you choose the good answer, a rose appears. If there is no rose animation, means you have chosen the bad answer so you have a chance of rewinding.

Oh my grod~ This is heaven for me!!!

I must say.. I’m a grown up lady but still a sucker for this (Laughs).

Well it seems that real life people are not fond of me, neither am I so this is one of the things I retreat to for comfort and entertain..

Saraba~~! :D