Archive for the "Diary of Ashes" Category

Hello, people of the world!

This is Ms Aya who is feeling languid and having lots of questions in mind. While I try to divert my attention from all this towards work, everything seems futile and thoughts are worsening instead.

Many a times, I get people telling me that I am innocent and naive to which I do not understand how they can perceive me that way. I have been telling them that I am not however to no heed and they always think that I am being polite and modest over it.

I know what kind of thoughts I conjure and how malicious they get but at the end of the day, nothing manifests because I always make good decisions that does not involve too much evilness.

People and friends are encouraging me to talk to them about my problems. I do tell them that I am having problems but I never emphasize and apparently this frustrates people leading them to think this is my fault and own causing in the first place.

I always stay by this thought that I should never seek anyone at my vulnerable times because that is the very time when people plant ideas and illusions that do not necessarily mean well for my or others’ being.

By the end of this post, I doubt that I will be able to reveal even a bit of what I am trying to say. :(

There is this song that goes by the lyrics of, “You don’t do anything, you’re moving but you don’t do anything. You don’t say anything, you’re talking but you don’t say anything.”

Sigh… :(

Hello, hello, hello~~

Just a super quick post because I’m too excited to do something else!

For those who are fans of Quinrose’s Heart no Kuni no Alice series, you can play it on your iphone or ipad too!

The best thing about this is — There is English subtitles!

No shit, for real! The voices remains in Japanese however the text are in English so for those who are not too literate with Japanese, this is for you~ <3

The English is slightly broken though; grammar and spelling mistakes however fathomable.

However, you need to pay (of course, it’s Apple dakara) to get the full game!

The game play is much simpler than on PSP though. You don’t have to keep visiting the other territories and count the turns as everything is led to the main events. You can still unlock Friend events by selecting the answers accordingly. Also you can switch on the Favourable Anime, which is each time you choose the good answer, a rose appears. If there is no rose animation, means you have chosen the bad answer so you have a chance of rewinding.

Oh my grod~ This is heaven for me!!!

I must say.. I’m a grown up lady but still a sucker for this (Laughs).

Well it seems that real life people are not fond of me, neither am I so this is one of the things I retreat to for comfort and entertain..

Saraba~~! :D

Liar’s Game

Posted by: Ms Ayain Diary of Ashes, Ms Aya's Papers

「From the day I was born, till the day I die, the only side I am on… Is my own.」

I really cannot trust anybody. It’s like I’m just waiting for the end to find out that everything was just a big cruel joke on me.

What happens, when words do not reach you anymore? When every word translates into lies and deception?

Everyone uses different words yet lead to the same lies. It’s really funny and humorous. The methods and manner of speech which they learned from self-improvement books and seminars on how to persuade — if you are already familiar with these, what other means can persuade you then?

Friends, comrades, buddies — you can talk to me with that filthy mouth of yours but that’s none of my business. I have my own goals to reach and the only side I’m ever taking is my own.

Hi-hi, everyone!
It has been a super and extremely long time since I last blogged! Like omg, fuck me right?! (LAUGHS)

I remember blogging on an almost daily basis and then as time flew by, it became weekly.. To monthly and eventually yearly.

I doubt I can connect the previous blog entry to the current as it was so long ago. However, how is life for everyone? Doing good? Finally living your dream life?

Life has been eventful on my side. I’ve been working in the hotel line for a year already. It’s the only job (besides helping my brother) i took on right after working in the International school. I never thought I would land in the hotel line but here I am, for a silly reason — here I am. u_u

I’m glad in a way because of all the challenges and chances of growth it has provided me and still giving me.

There were days I was struggling to get by and there were circumstances that really made me pushed myself to the limit. There was one time, I fell sick but still reported for duty. My mum, out of love, tried to stop me of course.

The very memorable question she asked me was, “Who are you trying to prove to? There is no one, so stop it.” When she told me this, I was furious but did not say a word. Lots of things brewed in my head of course.

Yes, I’m a sad loner with no one to prove my worth to. But have you forgotten that I have myself to prove to? And I’m the one who needs it the most or I will never be able to be at peace with myself. Why do you think I have to do something for someone’s sake? I know I sound selfish but people don’t sacrifice for me either hence I’m pretty much alone in this.

Besides, why do people tend to think of options with choices of this OR that instead of this AND that? You can push yourself AND for others. (And there is also a possibility of being an asshole who does not do anything for him/herself AND for others) (; ̄ェ ̄)

There were days I felt like i was on top of the world, there were moments when i felt guilty for making harsh decisions however, there was only a single time I cried like a child — because I felt abandoned and discarded by someone whom I didn’t realized at first — that I liked him a lot.

My love life never existed during my time of absence from this blog, sadly indeed. Lots of things happened, except for love.

I thought I found him but before anything else could have started, I didn’t only lose that little love but I lost a good friend.

It’s really sad for me because ever since I begun working outside, I’m being called by my first name. So it feels really lonely and that there is a huge wall that separates us. Fewer friends are left to call me by my familiar name and this worries me a lot.

Anyway, nothing is going to stop me from going further. Surely, there will be days when I crumble but there will be times when nothing can scare me either, if I allow myself to be strong.

Every day, I ask myself, “What am I trying to achieve? What are my principles and values?” We all have a road which we chose to follow however we do get distracted from time to time. If you are determined, that road and direction never fades away and although others do not see that invisible road, you see it clearly.

Anyway, my dog Auwlithe… Do you remember my cutie tub?


He is still alive la. D:

Anyway.. This boy always helps me get back to my roots.. Because he never changes himself. At times I think I have changed into some monster. But because this guy still comes to me and gives me the same loving looks, as you may have read this somewhere (perhaps 9gag), “always be the person your dog thinks you are.”

Auwlithe is really my medicine. (Laughs)

Okie.. I should get going.. Before I leave, I hope to part with some … I won’t say funny story but I shall let you decide on that.

Long long time ago…

I parked my car somewhere and went down to get food.

The minute I got out from the restaurant, I saw a lorry was about to park behind my car. It was not one of those small ass lorries. It was the huge ass ones which you can smuggle prostitutes inside.

Anyway i quickly ran over and wave the driver because I really needed to get my car out and on the move. You know, when someone double parks you and you can’t get out so you have to honk like shit?. Yea, i didn’t want to do that.

So so the driver was keen eyed enough to see me, didn’t look happy but decided to parked opposite. It wasn’t easy to do a three point turn with that huge ass transformer. Ok then, I pressed my car keys button to open the door. Strangely, there was no beeping sound, that beep beep sound that you have unlocked the car. So I kept pressing and trying to open the door.

I was very wtf la but not so wtf when I saw some weird deco in the car with chinese wordings but even more wtf when I realized this wasn’t my car to begin with!

First thing, instinctively.. I looked around to ensure no one saw me but of course, I’m very lucky. The lorry driver was starring at me with that -__- face.

I hurriedly backed off the car and searched for my car to later find it further down the road, where even if the lorry driver parked his lorry, he wouldn’t be blocking me.


There you have it. A slice of my life. (Laughs nervously)


Baa-bai~~! ( ̄▽ ̄)