Archive for June 16th, 2017

Good day, everyone! I’ve just celebrated my 29th birthday yesterday. It was a small celebration filled with laughters and smiles. Nothing much to comment on my birthday other than life is probably annoyed that I’m still alive and hustling.

The sad thing is I can’t say the same for Auwlithe. My baby, alas, passed away last month on the 12th. It was a huge blow for me and I was really depressed, even until today, I cannot live with the fact that my four-legged buddy is no longer by my side.

On his final day, before putting him to sleep, for once in months, he could finally smile.

The night before was the hardest for me as I had to tell him what I was going to do to him. He seemed to understand and that made me tear up all night till the next day. I carried the semi-paralyzed dog in my arms and showed him around the house and his usual spots. We listened to some songs together, just like we always did while I annoyed him with some dumb jokes and teased him.

Just typing a few words about this is already building up tears in my eyes. I really miss him and felt bad that I had to put him to sleep rather than allowing him to live up to every beat of his heart. I was torn between ending his misery and to let him live in that state as long as he could.

He was crying for days. It pained me to helplessly console him when I couldn’t aid him. I felt weak and useless. I still think to myself, perhaps I didn’t try enough. I for one, who always believed there is always a way, could not do anything after all.

With the absence of Auwlithe, I feel I have no reason to come home so I stay out on my own a little longer, wandering and straying with the company of only my thoughts.

Other than still mourning over the lost of Auwlithe, well to be fair, there are pleasant days every now and then. Some days of watching people as though they are pets having fun with one another, interesting ideas for the mind to toy with and so on.

Unrequited feelings, shallowness, detachments, self-loath… It’s like a whole clusterfuck going on. On some days, I stay as cocky as my pride and on other days, I feel ugly about myself and doubt the compliments of others. On my own, I can feel a bit beautiful at times but I get dubious when a few people compliment my looks and capabilities. As I’m usually right, motives follow after compliments and that leads me to believe people are dishonest. It’s funny if only one or two says you’re pretty while others are silent about it.

Anyway, enough with the negative and dark thoughts. I do have some rather positive news coming my way. Today, I was given a glimpse of my next stepping stone to improve my current state of living. This is something that may only materialize next month therefore, in order not to jinx up, I shall stay silent and focus on making this happen.

Hahaha, make it or break it! >:D