Auwlithe seemed a little better today. He could not only stand up but he could walk a little rather than scrambling his paws like a new born fawn all over to only fall on his belly or worse, into the drain. My four legged buddy was pretty much in a miserable state for the passed few days whereby he couldn’t get up at all. He was like a vegetable; immobile and wetting himself like he was drowning in guilt and helplessness.
I had seen how ashamed he was each time he had to pass motion without his control. It has been this way for almost 5 months now and each day, he deteriorated and stripped of his freedom and capabilities. He used to be so plump and healthy but now he looks like Christian Bale in The Machinist which is so saddening to look at. It is indeed a slow pain in the heart to watch something or someone you love to lose a part of themselves each day.
By seeing that Auwlithe was a little better, I decided to take him outside of the house to give him fresh air and a familiar view to reminisce. “Auwlithe, let’s go out for awhile!” I exclaimed while opening the gate and then noticing him trying to keep up with me. I held his cheeks to check if he was alright to have spotted some dirt in his eyes. “Wait here, I’ll get a tissue to clean your face,” and off I went in to quickly emerge with a tissue in hand. I wiped his eyes and as usual, he would shake his head in annoyance. “How come your eyes are dirty again?! It’s not good, you know!” I nagged while Auwlithe continued to shrugged.
I binned the tissue and then ushered for Auwlithe to walk with me. However, the poor skinny dog was struggling to walk at my pace. So I lifted him up in the air, just like Rafiki holding baby Simba in his hands to show the glory of the pride. “Express! Let’s go!”
I carefully placed Auwlithe down the road where he used to happily roam. I really wanted him to feel that familiar freedom again as he has not been able to venture out for a very long time. I stood beside him hoping that he remembers his favorite spot but instead, he seemed lost and uncomfortable. I squatted down to his level, “Hey, you ok?” I studied his facial expression and his body. Auwlithe’s legs were shaky and in discomfort. Immediately I could tell that the road was too harsh for his already fragile paws so I quickly carried him back to our house.
I placed him down on our tiles and he stood still, eyes wandering around. We used to have many nights of just roaming outside our home together. Auwlithe would be too busy burying his nose and attention into the fresh soil of the earth while I had my eyes set on the infinite sky, in search of glittering stars.
Auwlithe slowly dragged his legs back to the house and waited for me at the gate. He still does the same cue of telling me, “I’m done. I’ll go in first.”
He always had some sort of attitude to which I became accustomed to. So much I would hate for it to end.
After I was contented with the night sky, I followed Auwlithe back into the house and held on to my buddy.
“You’re my sunshine, my only sunshine.” I begun to sing into his ears.
“You make me happy, when skies are grey. You never know dear, how much I love you” I continued with hiccups.
“So please don’t take…” tears began building around the corner of my eyes.
“… my sun shine away.” I rested my forehead on Auwlithe’s, a ritual of ours each time we had to part ways, even if it’s just for a couple of hours.
I withdrew from Auwlithe just to see his face. He looked tired at the same time, wanting to walk a little more with me. He had been lying down the whole day so I guess he needed to move a little more to overcome his bedsore.
I went into the living hall and had to close the door on him for the day. “I love you, Auwlithe.” I mumbled as I slowly close the grill. Auwlithe stood for awhile to slowly parked himself at the door, a place where he makes me and my family feel so secured with his protection.
I thought of reaching home early to play video games but after seeing Auwlithe like this, I decided to spend my time with him and writing about him as I can’t tell how much of time we have left.
Hence, this post.
How can one feel this way for a dog, a mere creature? I won’t be the only animal lover who will express this sort of feelings for pets as many of us who have bonded with animals will eventually treat them like humans. After all, people are also mere creatures. A little more intelligence does not equate for better value and sentiments.
Auwlithe had been with me in my lonely years and comforted me more than anybody. He may not be able to give me advices or take me out for fun but his loyalty to me was sufficient and comforting enough.
If I cannot love a pure hearted animal, how can I bring myself to love a human being filled with swaying motives?