Archive for December, 2016

Good day, everyone! How are you doing in life? Year 2016 is ending pretty soon and as always, we’re so baffled at how fast time flies.
I hope you’ve accomplished the goals that were set at the beginning of the year and if not, don’t despair; continue to keep moving towards it.
Things are considerably well for me. Life seems to be continuously pulling my legs. (Laughs)
Anyway earlier today, I was going through some things from the past in my brother’s bedroom. It’s not nice to snoop but hay, he asked me to help keep something for him and I happened to find our old photo album and some books.
My brother may not look the part but he’s pretty sentimental and values his things from childhood. I admire that he is able to keep things for so long while I’m on the contrary.
Flipping through our family album dredges a lot of unpleasant memories. Too many however I’ll pick one to share. As the title of this post suggests, have you ever felt that you are at the mercy of others? It may not be the kind of situation whereby you are dying and pleading for help however it could be in the form of a person’s time, mood and influence.
When I was small, my mum, brother and myself felt that way with my father. It was his mood or charity that determined our day. And most of the time, it was always bad. My father had a flaring temper and he didn’t like us among the secret affairs he had. If he had liked us, he wouldn’t have any affairs in the place. But were we that despicable? I could never understand nor see his way.
So yes, whenever he said he was coming home, it always came with a promise of taking us out or doing some family stuffs and as a kid, of course you’d be delighted to see your father who scarcely comes home. At first I was a gullible child who waited at the door for his return right after he calls. Sometimes he returned very late till I fell asleep, other times not at all. And when he did come back, he was always in a bad mood and straight into a fight with mum.
This repeated and it became severe as time went by; it became a fear whenever he called to announce that he was coming home. Instead of waiting at the door for him eagerly, I became frightened wondering if he is in a bad mood again; what can we do to make him not angry, is he going to scold mum again? Is he going to hit mum again? Is he going to hit my brother? Is he going to leave us with no money or kick us out of the house? What can I do?
We could never tell what happened at work that put him in such a bad mood that we had to suffer from it. So as said, we were literally at the mercy of his mood. We could have a really bad day and at times, hurt from a physical fight.
This had happened a long time ago and he isn’t part of our lives for some time now. I should get over it but I still feel this way from other people. Sometimes and from some people, I sensed that they have this sort of intention to put themselves above others.
Since I learned about this perspective from young, I begun expanding it and taught myself to see it in other people while instilling in myself to prevent it from ever happening to me. The feeling of being gullible and hopeful, the eagerness to cling onto people’s words, the anticipation of promises to later be let downed just because they suddenly don’t feel like it or never had the intention in the first place. I moulded myself to be firm and never to succumbed to sweet words anymore. It sucks to feel helpless yet have to do everything in your ability to make a person want to be with you or keep to their promises. I guess people enjoy watching others put in effort for their attention. Perhaps because I have quite a pride, I usually choose to walk away (or spit first) before licking one’s shoe. (Laughs)
By far, what others have done is considered petty over what that man did. However, it still happens in many ways.
Bottom line is… There is a fine line to pleasing somebody and yourself just to be with that person. If that person really loves you, you wouldn’t have to be at his/her mercy so frequently. How would you know when to stop waiting on a person? Well if seeing that person no longer makes you happy as you were before, that’s the end of it.
Mmm… I wonder if my post here makes any sense and if I drifted from the topic.
Oh well. On a much merrier note, I was playing FF:XV and though sadly I’m not able to complete the game (over a rather lengthy reason), I’m pretty happy and hope to continue the game. It’s really nice and the fantasy world design is impressive. Read that a Malaysian led the project for the landscapes and places in the FF world. The story is a bit confusing for me however you might appreciate it more than me.
Another game that caught my interest in Until Dawn. Yes, sheep is slow but the whole butterfly effect is giving my mind a thought to toy with.
Perhaps you can look it up.

That’s all I have to blog for now. Stay cool and thanks for reading. ^^