In a few days time, I’m going to be another year older.
By terms and appearance, I think I still look the same. Not to say very youthful but just as I was years ago.
Coming to 28, I should be referred to as a lady or woman however as the title suggests, I feel that I still sort of behave like a little girl.
You can say I’m childish and all to which I don’t deny. However it’s just the way I carry myself. I don’t seem to reflect myself as a lady nor a woman. Funny though, I was recalling one time in my teen years. I was at my father’s office and was taking the lift down. My brother’s school mate who was working part-time shared the ride down with me.
We stood at each end of the elevator and she looked at me while I was sipping on my coke.
She asked me if I always wore those kind of clothes and where I was going. Well I was dressed in a large singlet and a pair of baggy three-quarter pants with my sports shoes while a denim bag over my shoulder.
I replied, “Yea. I’m playing football later. Why?”
She looked away and said, “Oh. Ok.”
Then I looked at her and suddenly I felt a huge difference between us. She was 2 years older and was in a tight blouse and even tighter black skirt. She had neat shoulder length hair and her face was like glowing and probably her nails were done up nicely while I prolly could have been mistaken to be her little rascal brother.
At that time, I was ignorant to the world of feminine taste so I was not bothered. However it has become an encounter that I often recall each time I question my place and image among people.
Until today, I still feel less of a person but not so much to the point of depression. I’ve accepted and embraced the way I am and am never going to allow anybody to deform me. My pride just won’t allow that. (Laughs)
Besides, people stick to me for awhile because they think I’m a fun mystery but leave later after finding someone better or easier to understand. It’s always easy to love someone who is always happy but it’s hard to hold a person who is constantly crying.
However life plays out, I’m going to have fun, cry and have fun again and again.
I’m looking forward for a meaningful life.