Archive for July, 2015

Greetings to all, grand people!

I wish to rant on a few past matters that seem to be dredging up lately.

As the title suggests, I’m pretty sure everyone has a similar nemesis as in — there is someone in your life that wishes to destroy you entirely. Either they do it out of rivalry or simply and disgustingly out of envy.

This happens to all of us at some point in our lives and this experience is not biased when it comes to age. It can happen when you are too young to realize it or when you are old enough to wonder why you still have to deal with this nonsense.

I’ll share a couple of stories with you:

When I was schooling, friends often compliment what a nice name I have, particularly my middle name. There aren’t many Ashleys so it was rare. Whatever. To me I was more happy that my friends were calling me by my familiar name and that was all it matters.

But there were one or two who didn’t like the attention I was getting so what they did was — they mocked me by calling my name sarcastically and then slowly calling me any names except my preferred name. It was hilarious how they tried to change my name and purposedly silencing the middle name.

At that time, I was kind of oblivious to their intentions and I actually thought they had retarded tongues by being unable to pronounce properly. It was only later on that I picked up the motives behind the name calling. Juvenile indeed.

Another would be a case of my habit of washing my hands after touching objects and people. I do not fall under the category of a hygiene freak. It’s just that I really need to wash my hands to feel better and to rid of the feelings of an object or person. Some of you may notice that when I’m touching something filthy, I tend to make obvious expressions of reluctance and really — it can be extremely comical! You can even hear me whining some jibberish that you can never make out.

But no matter how I detest touching something, I’d still do it if it is very important (fucking blue tag), just as long as you let me dash to the sink to have my hands washed.

However, there is a certain someone whom, I shall not name, has a satisfaction of watching me get tormented. This person found out how much I detest touching filthy things and know that I always wash my hands no matter what. So this person on purpose, make me do that sort of clean up — which I don’t mind, but that person would mock me while at it saying, “See? It’s nothing. You think your hands are so precious and clean? We are all doing it and nobody is complaining except you. What makes you special? You are doing what I’m doing now.”

After being fed this sort of words, whether it was clearing garbage or other issues, I learn to sense that people are trying to bring me down to the lowest level, whether they are there or lower than that.

The worst part was — I wasn’t allowed to wash my hands after that and when I forcefully went to wash my hands, I was mocked, “You won’t die if you don’t wash your hands.” I could see how irritated the person was when I could wash my hands and be relieved about it. I could see the satisfaction of the person’s face when I dying to have them cleaned but couldn’t.

I hope you can understand what I am trying to imply. I know… The need to wash my hands sounds petty. But it does happen in other ways whereby people try to drag you down from what you are and how pride you are about yourself.

You cannot deny that there is always somebody out there who wants to see you fall just because they envy you and they are sicken by your success or possesion that they sadly do not have.

The distorted faces they put on when you are doing great and the satisfaction smirks they give when you are failing — indeed humans can be so ugly.

Yes, you are telling me that not everyone is like that. Unfortunately, that sort of comfort and hope no longer exist in me so I’d suggest you give this hope to your friends and loved ones before they become as numb as me.

I feel betrayed easily hence I do not put my heart on anything nor anyone. I’m not being negative, modest or some damsel in distress. I don’t get why people say I’m being cute and modest about it.

I feel like an evil wretch being dismissed as a lil sheep who doesn’t know what she is saying. I created this image, I guess. It’s alright though, one should not live based on another’s approval after all.

Anyway, this is all I have to share for now — after not blogging for a long time.

I wonder if you all are doing great… Stay happy in your own ways, that’s my wish for you now. ( ̄▽ ̄)