Great Selfishness

Posted by: Ms Ayain Ms Aya's Papers

Last night I was having troubles falling asleep. Partly because I was too excited that my PSP was working again. And I was highly stimulated by a recent book I bought.
So with the current events in life, I was somehow taken down memory lane of a time in my primary school days.

There was one day, the school held a sports rally day, a day to practice the Sports Day movement and my class teacher selected a few of us to stay back in class to tidy up the room. It was a treat to be tidying the classroom as we did not really fancy going down to the sunny and muddy field. I was among the selected students to clean the room.

While cleaning, 2 girls broke into a fight and quarreled about who should be doing what and of course, both wanting to assume leadership. Soon the group were divided and carried on arguing with each other and calling names along the way. I was sweeping the floor (if I remembered correctly) and was deeply annoyed because there was so much left to do and nobody was doing anything. Those who were not involved just stood there in amusement to watch the fight.

Later, I got in between the girls and tried to sort things out. I couldn’t say much because they were not paying attention to me but by the time I could speak, our teacher was now in the classroom looking extremely puzzled and of course, fuming.

It seems that one of the students went down to report the fight to our teacher. When she questioned who started the fight and that they should go downstairs as punishment, the girls kept quiet and were frightened to answer. However the initiators mustered the courage to point their fingers at me.

I was a bit slow to defend myself but it didn’t matter because my teacher took their words and the others nodded silently. Thus I was sent down with shame.

Of course when I got to the field, the other students asked about the fight. Everybody just loves to gossip regardless of age. I didn’t say much. Didn’t want to. Too mad and it felt too unfair.

I didn’t mind going to the field and sit on the puddles of mud. But I did not like the shame I was given for something I did not commit. The worst was when I met my classmates who were involved, they did not say a word about it. No apology, no acknowledgment– nothing. It felt like I was in a twilight zone and almost believed I was day dreaming.

This happened in my primary school days. But similar cases happened throughout my teen years and adulthood. Each time this happens, I still take the fall however I get smarter and colder, above all — less trusting.

I’m pretty sure I’ve become a cold and less co-operative to many and this must have turned their hatred on by folds. It makes me wonder if they hate me because I rejected them or they could not use me as their scape goat. I don’t intend to imply that I’m victimized. I take my fault as well as I make sure revenge is exacted. That’s all.

In any case, my life seems to invite such impressions and events. If I had not learned anything by now, I must truly be an incurable idiot. :D

This entry was posted on Sunday, January 4th, 2015 at 1:30 pm and is filed under Ms Aya's Papers. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

One comment

1.  Mouton
February 5th, 2015 at 5:41 pm

Dear ms. Aya,
I was happy to read (and comment) about you today.

Have a nice day.
P.S.: By the way, this was “Circle”.


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