Archive for December 17th, 2014

Losing Again

Posted by: Ms Ayain Ms Aya's Papers

Each day passes by and I’m running out of time. I always asked myself if I have collected enough hearts and stars to get to the next chapter in life.

I wonder, will I lose again to another who will be granted a second chance?

It’s as though you can be the greatest and most reliable yet you still lose out simply because you’re not favoured.

Well I don’t intend to apple polish and slyly please anybody with compliments and sweet talk in exchange for respect and a place in their hearts. Such act is so dishonourable to the point of disgusts and vulgarity.

Then again, these are the people whom I tend to lose out because somehow people just prefer these sort of people. I know I’m not cute and pleasing. In contrast, I’m so stoic, sarcastic and sceptical. Yet I try to give others a practical and useful help however, I guess such currency does not exist any more. I do buy things and share my food with people but not for such intend. It’s just — something I could do?

“Wow, you’re pretty today. Nice bag. Cool hair.” I’m so foreign to these simple words which enchants people easily and deeply. Could it be that observation and taking notice is what people are flattered by?

Although I do talk to people more than before (you remember how much of a hermit and recluse I was?), I don’t think I’m there yet in the sense of really bonding with anyone. Sometimes I think that I’m being taken for granted, other times I’m just being tested. And truthfully I haven’t found a person whom I can have a proper conversation with. Partly my fault because I still cannot trust a single soul so I rather listen and dig up their stories. I’m still shaking from the last time I thought I had a companion.

I cannot remember if I read a story or I’ve seen it happen to people in reality, but regardless, it’s beautiful to see or even think about it. Most people are hoping that it happens to them too but I exclude myself from such hope so, to know and think about it as a fiction is good and accepting enough for me.

Sigh… It’s pointless to be brooding here. It’s never good to be languid about uncertainties therefore, I shall go continue my Pokemon Omega Ruby. :D