When It’s Just You

Posted by: Ms Ayain Ms Aya's Papers

Mood: Blank

When I was a little child, I wanted to be friends with everyone in the world.

When I got into my teen years, I thought it was alright if I could not make friends with everybody so a regular group of friends would be good enough.

I left school with barely a group of friends in my contacts so I talked to myself into believing a handful of friends is more than I’d ever need.

Nothing happened and on I go to dwindle my number to just one. If only I had that one person, perhaps he is all I ever need.

My patience got to me and this made me wonder — could it be? There is no one out there for me?

Well from then on, I chanted to myself, “It’s ok if there is nobody. Just let me be able to live with myself at the very least.”

Every moment, I see my road has been even more deserted and the line is wearing so thin that I can barely follow with my eyes. Somehow, the direction still seems visible. (Laughs nervously)

Sheep is just so bored… <´•__•`>


This entry was posted on Monday, February 11th, 2013 at 9:13 pm and is filed under Ms Aya's Papers. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

4 comments so far

1.  Dino-chan
February 11th, 2013 at 9:33 pm

eto….maaa… @_@ same here.

Till today, even my parents said I dun have enough friends to hang out with and am so loner.

Surprisingly, this year’s CNY, only one sent me CNY greeting sms first. I decided not to send to anyone because it looks like I’m the one who made the first move. wow…. everyone forgotten about me (of course this excluded you)

What I mean is….. why my side here, always I’m the one needs to do something in order to get attention? I look at my friends…all goes to them…weird… o___o

2.  isabellmiao
February 12th, 2013 at 11:08 am

Be friends with meeeeeeee!!!!!

3.  Vin
February 23rd, 2013 at 3:01 pm

Maybe you are just in a very bad place for social activities. *hint hint*

I here , in a country that I know nobody.It is driving me nuts. 5 days felt like months.
I salute how you can go on for so long D:

4.  Alicia
March 5th, 2013 at 4:25 pm

When I was a child, I just wanted friends. I wanted to keep my friends… I became easily possessive and jealous ><. I think I was really afraid I would lose them. In the end, I did. We knew each other from 9 years old, and when I left school, we spoke only if we saw each other and there was no effort to keep up the relationships.

I made new friends in every year of college, and then made more after. I still keep my close friends from college, luckily. I made one really close one I loved after college.

Now that I'm also in a new country (points to person above :D hee), I had to make new friends. Unfortunately, I still kept my old ways of thinking and my old ways of not seeking out social relationships. I told myself too, "It's ok if I don't have that many people here, I can be alone and there's still that close friend of mine and my college girls". But he had his own life back home, and the girls had their own lives too.

I think one of the things I have had was the inclination to find a relationship, make his friends my friends, and then use that to fulfill my little social needs. But when you split up with them because the relationship is not working, you lose the friends too. All the periods in between, I also told myself, "I can be alone. Strong people are independent. I'm learning to be independent and strong". But to be honest, after a while, I wondered why I didn't have any friends who're always calling me out and wanting to spend time with me. Am I that horrible a person?

A while back, I made a mistake in my relationship (no, I didn't sleep with anyone else). His friends weren't my friends anymore. He and I talked about us. We figured we'd take him for us, but stay away from the public eye for now. But I realized, maybe this is a chance to make my own friends. The kind that's just as weird and strange and un-party-like as I am. Maybe we'd learn to love each other too.


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