Why o Why o Why

Posted by: Ms Ayain Ms Aya's Papers

Mood: Languid

In reply to a certain tweet:

“What made you began to write over the internet and look there for someone special ?”

I won’t say I blog so that I can connect to my special somebody out on the Internet.

I just want to write the things I couldn’t say in person or never had the chance to do so. You see, as a person I see myself as a hideous being which no one will ever pay enough interest to engage a conversation with. Besides I don’t speak as good as I do in writing and I am usually quite slow in responding. I behave rather awkwardly in person too!

Blogging for me is to reveal my inner self in a way however, it might seem misleading as I may not appear to be how I really am as a person. In other words, my writing and behavior may not match the impression you may have initially formed. One thing is for certain, my thoughts and feelings remain the same despite how my words and actions may differ.

[ . . . ]

Oh gosh, sheep is so emo at the moment! <´•___•`>

Pardon me for blogging very negative entries off late. Something is awfully wrong and bothering me for which I can’t seem to speak of.

I hope.. you all are happier than me. It sucks to be languid and crabby, you know.

That said, hope to bounce back to enthusiasm and blog lively entries for you peeps behind the screen~♥

PS: Auwlithe says, “Hi!”

“Please feed me!” (Laughs)

This entry was posted on Saturday, July 16th, 2011 at 6:58 pm and is filed under Ms Aya's Papers. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

4 comments so far

1.  Mei
July 17th, 2011 at 3:38 am

I understand what you mean by that. There are some cases where people would act different on the Internet compared to how they behave in real life.

It’s a lot easier for me to communicate with others electronically. Even a friend of mine has told me that I was behaving differently while I was texting her.

That aside, I hope you feel better. Though it’s alright for you to write negative entries. You said before that you wish to write about the things you wouldn’t say in person.

Those thoughts have to come out in some way, and they’re not so negative compared to what others would post.

2.  Circle
July 17th, 2011 at 12:14 pm

Yaho~ !
Day is gone, shooting stars in the sky and dogs bark ! ~★

To begin with, all my best cheer wishes to languid and crabby people. Never give up on dreams~even if you don’t know what they are~FIGHT !

(Sorry but this sounds like a typical Circle’s endless post.) (@A@)

As you’re showing us your naked feelings, you’re pointing up humans weaknesses with high accuracy. May Sheep be scared to understand what she is ?

[ I'm not fluent english speaker, so I will assume that "outside self" (or outside (outer ?)) is what "inner self" isn't, ok ? ]
Out of this virtual world, it’s pretty easy to bury the inner self. However, outer self can’t be hidden because it is not specific to somebody but is proper to your speaker. It can be altered acting different voluntary toward people. Being dumped and prejudge can interfere a lot in how someone can see your outside, leading to misjudge your inner by the way.

This statement done, do you show the same outside to everybody ? Do you have the same attitude toward some different peoples (friends, boss, unknown fellow, …) ? Of course not. Yet, your inner stay the same !
These are facets of one self, we can’t take them off. Even while you began writing your diary, a brand new facet of you appeared, one to freely tell to people about your inner.
OK, this is miles away from what people could see of you from what they would have being closer, but wouldn’t you see your boss another way if [insert anything uncommon there] ?
Someone’s outside is how other people see you.

It makes me think a lot to Ms. Aya entry about “Judging a Book by its Cover”, “— We all wear ourselves on the outside one way or another. —”
This is my own opinion, but as Sheep can’t show her inner self to the people around her because she’s uncomfortable with her outer, she wish she could do it online through her diary. Unfortunately, she feels that internet can’t show what’s left of here and she began to be worried about that.

Course, it’s obvious you already know !
— But seems that Sheep wants to know what people inner opinions/experiences are ! So I share mine ! —
Because of that, she started asking her fellow readers. This is a nice way to do !

And now, about my personal data… !
Not that much long ago, I used to hope that I could change myself about many things. I’ve done nasty things, and found my mind very very dirty. I wished all this *** could disappear in order to become a nice person. But hey, what’s done is done, I can’t erase something from my mind and pretend it never happened. If I can share and make it useful, why wouldn’t I ? First I’ll mark it red in my brain { IT WAS A MISTAKE } *laughs* (and won’t do it again !), then I’ll share with people it could help to know (or wants to know), finally I’ll do my best to help people which could be concerned and I’ll support those who got stuck in like me. Can’t change the past, it makes what we are, so use it for a brighter/clever future is one of my motive.

Awkard Sheep ? I’m kind of too, not the same way however ! Saying what I think, don’t care if this is pleasant or no and if people would dislike it. Damn, I just give an opinion they asked for, assume people ! ≥__≤ Got not many friends for that ! *laugh*

Quite slow (and confused) when answering for personal stuff. However, when it comes to business, I get very intuitive and handy with people. Best fitted words, attitude, everything comes by itself. This is just a job. More, the less personal it is, the more easy it gets. If I would see my friendship or love affair as business (as I tried once *laughs*), it would be incredibly simple (and boring ! *double laughs*). Looking at some people, I won’t be surprised that they unconsciously live their relationships business-like. Modern love looks like more or less expensive shiny hearts, bundled in plastic wrap.
As you stated “— One thing is for certain, my thoughts and feelings remain the same despite how my words and actions may differ. —”, this is exactly the same here, I can get very woolly (*laughs* love the word !!!). Share brings a lot.

OK !! So, this is all up to your readers to imagine that you’re an ordinary O’type girl ! Neh ?

Last thought : no matter how much two people can understand themselves, they remain different and could never understand each others 100%. That’s why people should understand that they can’t always understand each other.

Sounds like obvious and boring thoughts by the way. /≥Д≤\

All this stuff said, I would prefer to meet my partner (friends) in such a place as internet (or similar). There are so much things I don’t want people get lured by, the society can have a big impact on my own mind, so I wouldn’t care if it would on my lover’s one, but I won’t meet her.

I’m done now !

Don’t strain yourself ! Someday the inside is very silent. (Or so much noisy we can’t get what it says)

Have a nice Sunday with the cuttie Auwlithe~☆ ! (Gahhh, she’s so cute, I could give her my arm to feed her !)

3.  Monkeyd
July 18th, 2011 at 5:21 am

@Circle, or should I call you “Philosopher Circle”. The name itself has another meaning since many study and believe in the philosophy of a circle. They believe the circle hold many spiritual and worldly truths. (It’s true, I just googled it. :P ) Your post was very insightful indeed. Thanks for the good read.

@Aya, I typed up a whole big response and realized it was pretty big. So, I posted the response at my blog. I hope that is okay.

4.  bubuchacha
July 30th, 2011 at 8:16 pm

I hope you dont mind if a give an advice.

I guess you can direct that negative feeling of yours into poetry, photography, designing, art or anything.

Sadness for me is not always a bad thing, most of the time its the culprit behind great works. So see it as a driving force for you.

I also feel the same way Ms Aya, I find myself rather slow on comprehending things. I doesnt bother me though but it sometimes hinders me to learn new stuffs. To compensate for that, I plan and prepare all the things that i wanted to do or about to try.

Can you suggest anything to remedy this? :)

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