Archive for July 20th, 2008
Mood - Worried[?]

Mood - Worried

20th July 2K8, Sunday – Night time.

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Hello everyone~! \<^ε^>/

How have you all been? <•ω•>/

I assume everyone is busy with their own matters. So I hope things goes well for all of you. <—υ—>o

I was going to blog about a dog that entered the church during mass today but since I couldn’t snap a picture of the dog walking around the altar… I’d better not. <¬_¬>lll

And if I had whipped out my camera during mass, I’ll be frowned upon. You see… I usually sit in the front rows where all the aunties and uncles are. Knowing them… (Sighs) They surely won’t like me doing that.

Anyway… Today I went to church in this dress~☆! ↓

White Dress from Comma//Labelz

White Dress from Comma//Labelz

Normally I wear a sweater over to cover my shoulders but for today, I decided not to. It has been a very long time since I’ve gone out in sleeveless clothes. So I thought I should give it a try. \<´v`>/

The reason why I always wear a sweater over is partially because I feel my shoulders are broad and that my arms are fat. (Years ago it was because I was too thin) Another reason is I catch cold very easily. <x__x>

Anyway, I felt FAT throughout my evening. <TAT>/

I remember last time I always wanted to put on weight. But now that I have, I hate it even more compared to the time I was thin. <=__=>lll

I think I know why I wanted to put on weight so badly. Last time, the other kids and students used to bully me and make fun of me.

They called me hideous names, insulted me, and tried to shame me for who I was.

But because they were my friends, I thought they said that out of concern. I actually believed what they were saying. So when I looked at the mirror at that time, I saw myself as how they described me.

I went into deep depression for a very long time and tried to gauge myself with food. Yet, I couldn’t put on weight. <;__;> (Cries)

However, now that I’m out of school and away from society…

I looked differently at myself now. I don’t depend on other people’s opinions to see my reflection in the mirror. What I see is how I describe myself.

And when I think about it carefully now… Those people said nasty things about me not because they cared but they simply wanted to hurt me. Perhaps they were jealous because they were bigger and fatter in size.

I can even remember those girls laughing at me when they told my crush I liked him (I wanted to keep it a secret but they blew it) and then he told them I was too thin for anything. Apparently, he said more than that but I chose not to hear. I cycled home and shut myself for days.

Whatever.

Back to the presence..

There’s no harm if I lose another 2kg right?

Not that I care what others said. Besides, they don’t tell out of concern. Jealousy is the main intention.

So, if any of you are facing a situation similar to this... I hope that you can be wise and listen to yourself rather than others.

I won’t say its easy because until today — I find it hard to cope with people like this. I always tell myself that it happen long time ago and those bimbos and bastards were just kids — They didn’t know what they were saying.

But to my surprise, people who are aged 18 plus, supposedly matured enough than to behave in a ridiculous manner, can still bring themselves to be such an asshole.

I don’t understand why certain people must choose to say,Hey, you’re ugly” or You’re too thin, that’s ugly” or You have lots of pimples” instead of …”.

What kind of conversation can you get from that?

I admit I do make comments but I always try to discuss a solution with them. I won’t just say You’re fat” and then end it that way.

Gosh, sometimes when people tell me these opinions out of the blue… It makes me want to tell them, “KEEP THAT KIND OF SHIT TO YOURSELF, PIE-HOLE!”

Seriously!

(Sighs)

I better end this topic. However, I still want answers! (Laughs)

So with that, I’m going to the gym to workout harder! \<`A´>/

!! RAWR !!

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Note: Sorry for writing selfishly. Let this entry not only be about me, ok? Share with me your experiences. Especially if you have bottled up this kind of bad memories, you can spill it here. Sheep understands!

Random note: I like Prince Nuada from Hellboy II. Why did he have to die? <;__;> (Tears)